So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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