Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
