Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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