I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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