i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They took my balls.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
