guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
