How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
