ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
