WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
