i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!