i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
