im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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