I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
