he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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