The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
