Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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