i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
