We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
