i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
