yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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