why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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