If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
