True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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