I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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