that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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