This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
