i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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