"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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