I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
