my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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