drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
