Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
