i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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