I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
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so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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