i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
