Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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