I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
