She's JV to your varsity
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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