Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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