First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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