The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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