Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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