lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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