why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
