fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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