Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
