my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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