I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
