The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
