when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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