I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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