She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
