is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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