using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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