she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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