you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
