I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
