she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
