whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
