The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
