i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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