You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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