My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
