WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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