I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
