the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They took my balls.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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