feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize