So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
