Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
