i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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