Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i dont even know how to be here
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is the high leading the old right now
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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