did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You were trust falling into bushes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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