I want to walk on stilts...naked
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
