At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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