Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
