If i come over, it means nothing
we have pet lesbian snakes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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