So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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